God and I Have a Chat

Me: Seriously. If you wanted me to be a nun, you should have made me born Catholic.

God: Seriously? I'm making you celibate, just convert and take the veil already.

Me: Look, I was sort of ok with the "he was an assohle/gay/Republican/not as cute when he opened his mouth" tactic, but this new "bad timing" thing? It sucks. Seriously, it's kind of mean.

God: I'm an awsome God not a nice God. And I'm late for an AA meeting. It was bad enough the day I woke up and found out I'd made the Detroit Lions "God's team", but now I'm apparently supporting Huckabee in Iowa. Huckabee! I've got to get this water into wine thing under control before I blackout and Rapture people - 1000 years with Kirk Cameron and people who actually believe the Left Behind series are good books? Now THAT would suck.

Me: Eight years of the Bush presidency buddy, and I have to pay for my booze. That noise is the world's tiniest violin, playing for you.

God: I hope your New Year's resolution was to adopt 5 cats and take up knitting.

Me: Goddammit!

God: Exactly.

New Shoes, Old Body

New shoes are good. However, after 2 weeks off my body appears to have reverted to pre-Project condition. Two Saturdays ago 8 miles felt awesome, this morning I barely made it through 2.5. Also, I was totally late and missed Sarah and the dogs, which was sad. This week is just not going well. I don't think the Christmas spirit is supposed to be hatred, but that's about where I am. Hey, at least I'm still following the Golden Rule, I hate myself as well as the rest of the world!

Miles: 2.5 (I think, trail construction is not helpful to measurement.)
Number of Rugelach I had for breakfast: 5
Possibility that a diet of 90% cookies and no running is affecting my mood: 75%
Only on Town Lake: Did you know there were pedestrian walkways on both sides of the 1st Street bridge? I don't think I did until this morning.

Running for Rugelach

That would be a race I could get behind.

I know we've strayed to other areas but once upon a time we blogged of running. Sarah and I took her dogs on Saturday. Full upper body workout for about 4.5 miles. Getting back on the horse. Ankle is holding up. No complaints.

I should probably get on the horse faster, though. This morning I pretended some of M's cookies were like danish and, therefore, appropriate for breakfast. In my heart I know they were not.

I should also say that having grown up in Riverdale, NY, I have an appreciation for jewish foods, and let's be honest, particularly pastry. Among the things I lament living where I do is the loss of bagels and rugelach (hamentashen also good). For the record, Maddie's rugelach was some of the best I have ever tried. I'm incredibly impressed because that is not easy to do and do well.

Hipstertastic

If you do accidentally get all your hair cut off and then sleep on it without washing out the fourteen products your stylist used in it, you will wake up with an awesome fauxhawk. For reals.

Failure Is Totally An Option

Sarah's been travelling for a month, Leah's achilles is acting up, and I've been sick for a week and a half. Leah's been doing some running anyway, because playing through the pain is how she rolls, but I haven't run since the 8 miler, and I'm not sure Sarah has either. What does this mean for the 10 miles we're supposed to run on Saturday morning? Nothing good. Leah's on the disabled list for long and hilly runs, Sarah is incommunicado, and just reading the description of the route made me tired. Of course even if I only make it 2 miles, the walk back to my car will be more exercise than I've gotten in 2 weeks.

Miles: 0
Boxes of Kleenex Emptied: 3

Lesson of the Day: Don't ever use the word "short" in a conversation with the person cutting your hair, unless you actually want them to cut all your hair off. Why does this always happen right before I have to be a bridesmaid?

Maybe I Should Just Adopt Three Cats

Since I haven't been running, let's look at the Crazy Blind Date numbers.

Dates: 4
Felons on Probation: 2
Insurance Professionals: 2
Pot Growers and Dealers: 1
Pot Smokers: 2
Dually Diagnosed: 1
Men in Skirts: 1
Neo-Pagans who participate in inline skating marathons and erotic fire play: 1
Second Dates: 0

Eight Miles, Eight Gallons of Sweat

Seriously. Why is every Saturday morning, regardless of what the weather is like the rest of the week, warm and super humid? Despite the weather, LC and I managed to kick some ass on the weekly long run (which included some speedwork.) I didn't even feel like throwing up post-run, so maybe I really am sort of in shape again.

Miles: 8

Only on S. First sort of close to Town Lake: No. Dude, just, no. The "look at my ass" shorts with writing across the butt are bad, spandex without some sort of overshort is bad, spandex shorts with writing across the butt are tragic.

I currently have that horrible pre-cold sore throat/sinus pressure feeling, but I am hoping tons of water and sleep will fight it off. Blech.

Over the Speedo Limit

Filed under "Things I Love About Austin" and "Scantily Clad Boys".

Lest you accuse us of not having "fair and balanced" coverage of the coverage issue, I note the following (wherein boys run races in speedos for charity):

http://austinist.com/2007/11/27/santa_speedo_ru.php

My conclusion? Boys in speedos, while inappropriate, is fun, funny, and for a good charitable cause. Skorts, running skirts, and the like are just annoying. BTW (OMG, LOL!), I'll be running with them (as in at the same time/race)... probably wearing significantly more clothing.

Oh God, I'm a Southerner

I used to love winter running. Snow? Ice? Cold? Twelve mile race in actual blizzard? Bring it on. But one November run in Michigan without a windproof jacket and I was too cold to run again for the rest of the weekend. The shame, it burns!

Tuesday Miles: 2-3, 4 with walking. LC and I learned this morning that the effort of a 4 mile run is not something our bodies take kindly to after a long weekend of turkey, pie, and travelling.

We walked past a guy by the side of the path just past the Mopac Bridge who was just sort of standing there with and exercise ball and weighted bar. I enjoyed imagining he was some kind of exercise dealer, trolling for clients on Town Lake. Sadly, he did not say "hey baby, looking for an ab workout" as we went by.

I'm No Mini-Pony

Many races, in addition to age group, have categories for larger runners, as determined by weight. If you are a dude over 170 lbs or a woman over 135 lbs, you're a Clydesdale. Of course, God forbid we ever let a gender-neutral word describe a category that includes both men and women (and I have here stopped myself from a long rant on our cultural anxiety about knowing which gender category someone goes in every second of their lives. You're welcome. Think of it as a Thanksgiving present.)

So perhaps in an attempt to stop use of the term "Filly" for female runners over 135 pounds, we're now "Athenas." Um, OK. Clearly better than filly, but kind of missing the point. "Clydesdale" is descriptive; they're bigger than the average racing horse. While I may have been born when someone split my father's head open with an axe, embody wisdom, and hang out with an owl, none of that has anything to do with how much I weigh while running a half marathon.

Call me a Clysdesdale. After all, most of what I'm hauling around is beer.

The Real Reason We Run

Forwarded conversation
Subject: and the 3m half
------------------------

Sarah: just did it.

Maddie: me too. holy crap! also I am out of town for both the turkey trot and the trail of lights 5k - dammit

Leah: I'm confused. Are we doing the 3M half (Jan 27) or the AT&T (Feb 17) or both?I will go ahead and sign up for the trail of lights... I'll have to turkey trot by my lonesome in NY.

Maddie: I signed up for the 3m - that's the one you signed up for right SKT? I might be in for both.

Sarah: I want to do both...but particularly the 3M because it is only a half
so we get all the glory :) and they usually have great tshirts :) :).

Maddie: Glory AND t-shirts? I would totally run 13.1 miles for that!

Leah: Plus it is downhill.

**************************
Miles on Saturday: 8, which is awesome, but no tshirts yet.

NPR or Ambien

More proof that LC has the discipline in this project. I set my alarm to run this morning, but slept through half an hour of Morning Edition and then lay in bed half asleep until Marketplace started. There are no words for how much I love being able to have the windows open to the cold air for sleeping. I have brought running clothes to work, so we'll see if that increases my ability to run late day instead of going home to the comforting embrace of the big red couch.

This is more "Only Around South Congress" than "Only on Town Lake" but I'm pretty sure the fact that Leslie had on a miniskirt instead of just a thong this morning means it is officially fall in Austin.

p.s. All the women that wrote into NPR pissy because you thought Scott Simon didn't give Mailer enough respect? You know he was a woman-hating egomanical douchebag right? I mean, women are sad about abortion, but only because they're "destroying the memory of a great fuck"? Jesus H., Norman, my only question is why none of your ex-wives stabbed you?

p.p.s. Yes he was a great artist, AND a woman-hating egomanical douchebag. Although I'm not sure "Ancient Evenings" doesn't knock out a Pulitzer.

Cold SNAP!

Last night the temperatures dropped. Today's morning run was in the low to mid 50's and all was right with the world. This was confirmed when I crossed the MoPac bridge and turned East to see an amazing sunrise over the downtown skyline. The sky was a million subtle shades of flirtini, orange,* and blue.

Miles: 4.5ish (Congress to MoPac)

T-minus 29 minutes to lunch wherein I shall enjoy my leftover peanut soup and sweet potato biscuit. I think it may technically be a "scone", but nothing sucks the joy out of the room more than saying scone when you can say biscuit.

*More related to writing than running. Work has made me an fan of the serial comma. Maybe it is antiquated, but I find it charming. Either way it is now a habit that must make me feel some shame because here I am explaining it to you. I will work on that.

And Another Thing!

Actually, I don't have another thing. I would like to second Maddie's first thing and point out that having patriarchy-blamers like Maddie around is awesome. Despite years of feminist scholarship, I am more "slow burn" than "righteous rage". And, frankly, there is a time for rage or at least a WTF?!? In other words, I knew the running skirt bothered me (really, could that be comfortable?). I knew that a perusal of the website made me feel even worse, but it sort of took Maddie's articulation to pull it all together for me.

In my own defense, when I realized I (too!) could own a skirt in colors "pink camo", "smooch", or "flirtini" I was able to begin to articulate my own frustrations. I think we can all agree that nothing says flirtini like Leah in a skirt at mile 7.

As a side project, I am thinking about starting an athletic ballet flats and heels company. I am pretty sure there is a market. It'll be like the Easy Spirit commerical (looks like a pump; feels like a sneaker) but women will honestly wear the shoes to compete. Who's with me?

That is IT Patriarchy!

Go look at this:

http://www.skirtsports.com/products/toughgirl-skirt.cfm

WTF? I maybe sort of get wearing a running skirt - if you absolutely can't find shorts that don't ride up and won't wear straight spandex in public - but that is RIDICULOUS. They make plenty of loose-fitting running pants; there is no possible reason for this miniskirt over pants atrocity (in hot pink no less) except to slap women in the face with the fact that even if they can run a marathon, they're still just girls and in no way does their culture take them seriously as people, let alone as athletes. (See also some douchebag on Salon whining about how Oprah ruined the marathon because if a middle-aged black woman can run one it's no longer cool and he's no longer a special special snowflake because he runs competitively.)

I'm not particularly down with the sweatshops, but I think Nike's new t-shirt "Female Athlete = Athlete. Period" is awesome.

Miles: 2ish. Leah and I both felt super craptastic.

Only on Townlake: Guy running with a headlamp. Also big giant group of fast runners, just because you are a big giant group of fast runners does not mean that you can run 4 abreast and take up the entire trail, particularly if you have plenty of room to move over to your side. Get some manners!

I have got to stop taking weeks off

Miles: 4 on Thursday
Last time I ran: previous Wednesday
Miles I am supposed to run on Saturday: 7

I have also got to stop staying up late and drinking on weeknights. But who knew my fellowship included tequila shots?

Who's Wearing the Bad Idea Jeans Now?

From my inbox:

Maddie -I'm one of the founders of CrazyBlindDate.com and I'm writing to see ifyou'd be interested in a cool opportunity we have with KEYE/CBS inAustin.Basically, one of the producers at KEYE thinks that CrazyBlindDate isawesome and wants to do a special segment featuring one of our users.The best part is that they want to send a camera crew out on aCrazyBlindDate! They want to do the shoot this Friday or Saturday.
So................
1. Are you interested in being one of our featured CrazyBlindDaters?
2. Are you available this Friday or Saturday (11/2 or 11/3)?
If so, please write me back ASAP!

Let's recap,

CBD #1: So tell me about what you do?
Me: Well mostly I work on hurricane issues but my office also does some stuff with immigration and criminal justice.
CBD #1: I have some experience with the criminal justice system - from the other side. I'm meeting with my probation officer for the first time tomorrow.
Me: Um, seriously?
Followed by interesting conversation about hydroponics, European hemp conventions, legalization, and how the cops will wait to pull you over until you're in a drug free school zone to enhance the penalties.

CBD #2: So is this your first CrazyBlindDate?
Me: No, but my first date did turn out to be on probation.
CBD #2: Hey me too! Before I got sober and treatment for my major mental illness I was arrested for assault after a bar fight.
Me: Are you fucking kidding me?
Followed by a conversation that included way too much information about how long CBD #2 had been celibate, and a Clinton blow job joke.

Are you sure you want to film me on one of your set ups CrazyBlindDate? I can see the upside for me - it might help the police to have it on film when my next date goes after me with a chainsaw - but is that really what you had in mind?

On second thought, there is no upside for me, I really can't have the only two times I make the news be for a)a public bout of hysterical sobbing when told Kerry conceeded in 2004; and b)this.

Cross Training Anyone?

Core stability is very important. We should really look into some additional activities.

Hat tip to Maddie for finding this one. She is a wiz on the internets.

She's going the distance

However, she is not going for speed, especially not in the last .7 miles of the run.

I guess the pacesetter felt like we were off on Saturday because all of the sudden we were all sprinting to the finish. And it waren't pretty. I am not sure I am recovered, as evidenced by my run of the ol' 4.1 loop yesterday.

For many running is therapeutic (usually I count myself among the many). Still, some days it is just you and your crazy. Yesterday my crazy was fixated on the fact that my shirt was too short.

I hate short shirts and I cannot lie.

For something like 40 minutes I wanted my shirt to be longer. I should work on letting go. Maddie gets kudos for letting go, even if it means she is now freely associating with criminal elements.

Seriously?

Two dates. Two guys on probation. Seriously.

While I am appreciate the increase in my previously low store of bad dating stories, having to date felons to get them? Not so much.

Crazy Tired.

Or more acurately, crazy and tired. So first the crazy. As part of my ongoing attempts to become less of a committment-phobic nut (and of course to amuse my friends) I am allowing myself to be matched up with random dudes and sent off to various bars about town with minimal information and no idea what said random dudes look like. It's actually called Crazy Blind Date. For a reason.



Date One: Ex-drug dealer. Seriously. Super interesting (did you know there were conventions?) but um, not really my type? I'm pretty sure he came to the same conclusion when I mentioned I had a favorite cookbook that was neither published by High Times nor anarchists.



Tonight's Date: Does not drink. This could be trouble as I am much more interesting and attractive if you are loaded.



And now the tired. We ran 5.7 miles on Saturday, with lots of hills. I highly reccommend starting an argument about whether running skirts are the patriarchy's attempt to reimpose feminine roles on athletic women somewhere in Mile 1- it really makes a run go by faster! I think the combination of actually running regularly and running longer distances is just draining me. I'm exhausted and can really feel it in my muscles and joints. Hopefully my body is going to adjust, or I am going to have to go to bed at 7 pm by the time we're running 8 miles.



Miles this week: Lots! 3 Thursday night with Leah, 2 Friday morning with Sarah, and 5.7 Saturday morning with both.



Possibility I will fall asleep mid-date tonight: 95%

pork tacos and colt mccoy

any chance that our little 3 mile jog today actually took care of the pork tacos from Angie's that I ate for lunch? doubt it. they are, after all, wrapped in in the equivalent of oversized soft fritos.

so the almost celebrity sighting was a faux colt mccoy. I got pretty fired up about it even though he isn't having the best year. maddie was certain it wasn't him because she thought he was too small. I'll have you know that this guy was easily a half-foot taller than any of us and my guess is that he was about 220 (this was my guess based on his likely ability to crush teeny T-Bone who weighs in at about 180). For the record, Colt is 6'3", 205 lbs...and it wasn't him.

Women Who Run With the Dogs

I don't have much to say, I just really wanted to use that title. It was 56 this morning, which make the running itself easier, but the getting out of a warm bed much much harder. Maybe it's the joy of running in cool weather, but I think we're actually getting in shape. Seriously! I guess we'll see on Saturday , when we're supposed to run 6 (!) miles. Oof.

Miles: 3

Total dogs: 2 (Millie and Ramona)

Dogs per runner: 1

Times I almost tripped over a dog: 2

Times Sarah almost tripped over a dog: 1

It is nice to have dogs along as they're very distracting and you are able to forget for whole minutes at a time that you still have a mile and half to the Mopac bridge.

Fall! Fall! Fall!

Best two words in the English language? COLD SNAP! (OK, they're acutally "breakfast taco," but that's how excited I am about cooler temperatures.) Poor non-morning person Leah had to endure an 8 am run with two morning people, but she had her revenge at the track. You wouldn't have to waterboard me, more than 25 yards of walking lunges and I would falsely confess to pretty much anything. (PSA Digression: We all know torture, in addition to being morally wrong, doesn't acutually work, right? And that techniques like waterboarding were developed by totalitarian regimes under dudes like Pol Pot and Stalin to elicit false confessions, not the truth, right? Well, now you know.)

So Sunday; good run, good drills, good tacos, good weather.

I will let LC and SKT give you the details (and tell you about our celebrity almost sighting) since I am currently blogging only to put off work.

Lone Loops

Frankly, we've all let M. down. She is the only one posting. Shame on us. I need to expand my idea of "the post". Just because I haven't been running, and nothing particularly funny has happened recently is no reason not to post. So, I will take this opportunity to pillage another post and suggest that should we ever take this idea on the road (which is quite a clever pun), we spend some QT in San Francisco, where we are bound to see some interesting stuff. This gentleman's entire outfit was made of fruit loops. He also had lone loops stuck to his head. While I was not running when I snagged this, I was walking hills briskly, which should count for something.

Don't You Let that Deal Go Down

I'm afraid that you, faithful reader, are falling down on the job. When I don't post for long periods of time, it's because I am not running and you are supposed to pelt me with comments and email telling me to get my lazy ass out the door. I publicly humiliate myself for your entertainment, you harass me into running; that's the deal.

One of the reasons it is not a good idea to take about 2 weeks off is that starting again is painful. By the end of my run today I was both vaguely nauseous and so tired and weak it was an effort to turn the car wheel and leave the parking lot. Seriously. Also, ipod shuffle mode let me down today, all earnest and slow tempo, no energizing blasts of cheesy top 40. So at this point 4 miles is a struggle, I missed last week's 5 miler, and I'm not sure I'll make this week's (because if anyone thinks a Friday night party named "Beerfest" is condusive to a 7:15 am 6 miler with speedwork, well, you are clearly a good 10 years younger than I am.) Bad News Bears.

Miles: 4

Only on Town Lake: Guy with a strobe headlight on his bike. Fortunately I neither had a seizure nor began to boogie down.

Actual Age: 35
Age I Feel: 107

I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness

As much as I like running in the dark (it makes it harder to tell how far you haven't gone) I'm not sure it's the best idea. I think I get so nervous about tripping that I tense up and it really hurts my hips and back. Or it's hard to run again after you spend four days sitting on your ass for no good reason, but either way - ouch. And now I will be taking another four days off to go to DC, so next Monday should feel great as well. (Yes, I know I could run in DC, but let's be realistic about my level of self discipline here.)

Miles: 3

Only on Town Lake: Older dude working out in jean shorts, leather belt, and red bandanna tied Willie-style around his head. Jorts - awesome.

Best Band Name Ever: I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness

Best Album Name Ever: I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass (Yo La Tengo)

Awesome Person of the Week: Tedd's friend at Rilo Kiley who not only was fun to talk to but asked if smoking would bother us (outside!) AND when he bought beer included an unsolicited bottle of water for Emily (who had stopped drinking) - Congratulations, you are awesome and I'm really sorry I never quite got your name. Emily and I have you down for first round in the friend draft.

Purity Balls

Sarah and I did not have a very successful run Tuesday. There were ominous twinges from her IT band, and I just generally felt crappy, so we ended up walking most of our workout. However, I would like to note that we got out of bed and moved, which we're still considering an acheivement.

It was still one of the most awesome runs ever, because when we started driving home, we simultaneously heard a commercial on KGSR for this:

http://www.puttsforpurity.com/

Putts for Purity. Seriously. ( "He's going to have to use a gentle stroke to get this one in the hole, Bob." ) Why are you not selling t-shirts Putts for Purity, why?

Thursday miles: 3, very slowly

Muscle tweaked at kickball this week: left quadricep

How do it know?: Ipod shuffle mode, thank you for playing Prince right after the MoPac Bridge. If there was ever a time I needed Prince, it was then.

Only on Town Lake: I know you tried to hide behind a planter person doing yoga on the Lamar Bridge, but I saw you anyway. Also guy with white beared trimmed on the chin but with long side beard (what is that - the Fu Manchu beard?) , you are kind of awesome and I totally want you to dress up as rockabilly Santa and hand out presents to hipsters.

Proposal

There should be a humidity index for distance as well as heat.

Miles: 3

With Humidity Index: 4.5

Only On Town Lake: Nada. I think it's too humid to be weird.

It also seems like kind of a bad sign that I think I pulled something in my calf playing kickball.

It seems like kind of a bad sign that I have not run since I was 34.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADISON SLOAN!

Almost Heaven,

West Virginia.

Charleston, to be exact. I can't say I felt about the conference in West Virginia the way I feel about Mexico (never really been but I'd sure like to go), or Alabama (where the skies are so blue), but it was good to get out of town for a bit.

Most striking, perhaps, was that WVA's biggest city has 50,000 people, down from 80,000 not that long ago. So, yes, they've got some trouble. Still, it was beautiful there and I do miss the mountains. I went running twice while in the capitol city, which was fun because of the whole just-take-your-shoes-and-you-can-explore-the-city thing. However, I was reminded of a few basic running-while-traveling rules:

1. Ask the hotel where to run, don't just "set out" - sadly, this is particularly important if you are female.
2. Make sure the key card fits securely in the mini-pocket of your shorts.
3. Pay attention to the culture, do cars notice pedestrians? Accelerate at them?
4. If possible take a trail. Roaming around the urban core can be enlightening from a "policy perspective" but does not lend it self to an easy run.
5. Don't worry about judgement from others too much. Maybe people in the area don't run, maybe they run better than you, either way, at least you are out there.

back in the saddle

So, I have been out of town the last two weeks and have run a total of two times in that period. Once in NYC, once in Phoenix. Of all the things that happen on Town Lake that make me feel like the least fit person on earth, nothing can compare to my run in NYC's Central Park. I swear I was the only non-professional runner out there. As one example, at about 1.5 miles into my run two women sprinted - literally sprinted - past me. I figured they must be finishing the end of their run and have 10 feet left to go. I was then certain I was right when they stopped a second later. Turns out one of them just needed to tie her shoe. They then proceeded to sprint by me again...and oh yes, then a third time as they lapped me on a 2 mile loop. It was horrible. I felt like a Chevy Nova at the Indy 500.

Glad to be back in Austin where at least every now and then Maddie and I can pass someone.

Saturday

Miles: 3

Reasons it may be a bad idea to make fun of people skipping on Town Lake: 1 Two weeks later you will be one of them.

Rocking vs. Running

Yeah what do you think I chose? In addition to not getting up mid-ACL on Saturday morning to run, I have not gotten up any morning since. The rock n' roll lifestyle is hard on a 34 year old y'all, and I didn't even make it to an afterparty. This Saturday should be really painful.

Miles: I did walk to ACL and back everyday. Maybe 6 over three days. (In flip flops!)

Beers: Definitely more than 6 over three days.

Hours of Sleep: Maybe 6 over three days.

Breakfast Tacos: 4 (and an order of chorizo con huevos)

Awesome Bands Seen: Many.

Words Eaten: All of the ones I said about how annoyingly twee Arcade Fire is.

Love for Jeff Tweedy: Stronger than ever.

Text Messages Exchanged with Sarah About Meeting Up: 10

Times We Actually Saw Each Other At ACL: 0

SPF I Sunburned Through: 45

Amount I Sweated, In Gallons: 2

Time I Got Up on Monday to Drive to the Airport: 5:3o am

Number of Times I Have Turned Off My Alarm and Failed to Work Out This Week: 3

ACL?: Totally worth it.

When You Skip a Run, God Kills a Kitten

Ok, not really, but a bridal shop will send you an email recommending that you order your bridesmaids dress in an 18.

Miles: 0
Guilt level: high

By the Numbers on Monday

Mileage: 4.2ish

People over 60 who passed me: 3. There is no shame in this observation, only that hope that my trick knees will still be working well for jogging at that point.

Jogging strollers that passed me: 2. Ok, a little shame here. One passed me at a sprint, going uphill, with what may only be termed a "large child" or "small adult" (not infant or todler) inside.

Celebrity sightings: 2. Austin Mayor Will Wynn and Patty Griffin

People wearing my shorts: 5 (I'm pretty sure freshman girls at UT are issued Nike running shorts at the door. Until now I did not know they actually ran in them. )

Pounds of grit I was covered in: 16.48

Little Runtex water cups it would have taken to hydrate me, had a chosen to hydrate properly: 74.3(ish)

We are clearly not the only people starting an exercise program, Town Lake is full of groups, from the packs of skinny dudes whose dust we eat to those people running with giant elastic bands and medicine balls. Our favorite, naturally, was the large group of people engaged in Irish dancing by the First Street bridge. (Okay, they were probably doing a skipping drill to improve their running or something, but still, 30 people doing coordinated skipping? Awesome.)

The Fall Season of Project 3035 does promise to get even more exciting. Can Maddie get out of bed to run on Wednesday, even if Sarah is in New York? Can Sarah run even with a recovery day between said run and an evening with Mike and B. Hayden? Will we make it through our group distance run at 7 am Saturday morning in the middle of ACL? It's riviting stuff people.

Miles: 2.5 on Monday
Humidity: 1000%

Strange and Upsetting: Non-Austin Edition

I try very hard to be free thinking and go with the flow, but in the end, I am a girl who used to read Emily Post for fun, and seriously people, if you are going to stand up in front of people's grandparents at a rehearsal dinner and give a toast, there are things you DO NOT SAY.

If you are a friend of the groom:

Do not detail your belief that shortly after the wedding the bride will be taking the groom's "manhood" and putting it in her purse, never to be seen again.

Let's start with the fact that nobody wants to think about the groom's penis. (Even the bride doesn't want to, at least not in front of her parents.)

Let's then move on to the fact that you have just called the bride a castrating bitch, implied that the groom will feel castrated and dominated as a husband, and oh, yeah, called your own wife a castrating bitch. I know there were two dudes in the same hot pink blazer and more yellow pants than you could shake a stick at, but the party was not actually taking place in 1955. Also, friend of the groom, you were born considerably later than 1903, and thus have absolutely no excuse for thinking that marriage = castration is a knee-slapper.

If you are the brother-in-Law of the bride:

It's very sweet that you've known the bride so long because you've been dating her sister since high school and she was the first girl you ever kissed, etc. It is not sweet to follow up the memory that bride's sister was the first girl you took on a date in a car with the fact that said date was (and I quote) "a fantastic ride."

Nor should you, when friend of the groom has made a horrifying toast that mentions the groom's "manhood", decide to elaborate on a theme and assure the groom that the bride "will handle your manhood gently." Nor to follow up that with "not that I would know."

The horror of this toast renders me incabable of detailed analysis, but I trust we all know why telling a large group of people that you nailed your wife in a car when you were teenagers and descriptions of the bride's penis handling skills are NOT APPROPRIATE.

Miles: None this weekend, but 45 minutes on the elliptical thing this morning.

Cross Training

Or how I was too lazy to run without the pressure of meeting someone, but did manage to get to the gym.

Since I am also lazy about what I do on the elliptical machine (US Weekly just isn't conducive to a fast pace) and freakishly obsessed with my new ipod (and by new I mean I got it two years ago and made Leah help me take it out of the box and set it up two months ago) I downloaded this coached workout from itrain. So for 40 minutes I have a dude named Kevin telling me when to sprint or jack the resistance and telling me I can make it for 30 more seconds to some pretty terrible music. And it works for me.

If I start talking back to Kevin, you may start the intervention.

Virgin Post!

Despite the pressure to be funny, which, to tell you the truth, I am not feeling at 9:24am, I need to bite the bullet and post. First of all, I am flattered, honored, and generally flush with happiness at my inclusion in Project 3035. I just turned 30 so I think I am technically gumming up the works, but if you all (like "y'all" if you are from the Northeast) will have me, well, I am in it to win it (or at least finish with little permanent damage to any joints).

Two things I learned while running this week.
1. If it looks like Lake Lady Bird is flowing upstream, it is probably too windy for a peaceful run.
2. You simply can't run with your mouth closed. You can try, but it doesn't work. And the moment you try to breath you'll run through a swarm of gnats. Protein!

bold move

Just signed up for a 5K on Sept 8.

Arts Run '07.

a reason to shower and Millie

So, I'm working from home these days and it turns out one of the major downsides (at least from my new hubby's point of view) is that there is no longer a real motivation to shower every day. Who cares if my hair looks greasy? Only the dogs (and aforementioned) hubby will notice. And my dogs lick their private parts (and the aformentioned hubby probably wishes he could) so we aren't talking about witnesses with very high standards for cleanliness. To get to my point as it relates to the topic of this blog...running in Austin, Texas in August provides real motivation to shower. I'm sure Steven will be glad to hear we'll soon be running 4 days a week...that's four guaranteed showers.

On a completely unrelated topic, we took new dog/Millie/Tillie/other dog with us today and she is a champion jogging partner. Seriously, unbelievable. Right on my heel the whole time and never pulled forward or held back (well, unless another dog ran by). It confirms my theory that she is part dalmation because I read that they were originally bred to accompany horse-drawn fire carriages, "running alongside the coaches, or under the rear axle ofthe moving coach. They'd keep up with the team as far as it ran, sometimes over 20 or 30 miles a day." There's your intersting fact for the day.

Holy crap y'all, we might actually be getting in shape! (In shape to run 2.5 miles, but still.) This morning's run actually felt really good (not including the stairs by the Four Seasons, but even those felt less bad.)

In other exciting Project 30/35 news, we have recruited (i.e. forcibly drafted) Leah to join a half marathon training program with us and blog. This should dramatically increase the quality of blog posting since while I am hilarious in my own mind, Leah is actually funny to other people. Also, we joined the above-referenced half marathon training program, which should guarantee that we will eventually run more than 2.5 miles.

Miles: 2 on Saturday, 2.5 on Monday, and 2.5 on Wednesday

Things I learned at training: Not only are there running shorts that look like the Texas State Flag, there is a sports bra - and some people wear them together! I love Texas, but my love reamains at flag sock level.

back in action

Howdy folks. Been awhile. Maddie - thanks for carrying the torch. I agree that we are actually improving. The fact alone that we have run this many weeks in a row (even when we had to take a week off because of weddings and illness) is a good indication that we may actually stick to it this time.

The big question is - will we push it up to 3 miles next week? I know you wait with bated breath. (And by the way - I looked it up and both 'bated' and 'baited' are acceptable spellings).

I realize you all might think that running on Town Lake twice a week could get repetitive, but fear not! Maddie and I are committed to mixin' things up. Like today for example - we decided to run in the opposite direction. Turns out this direction should be known as the "all uphill all the time" route. Which would be good if we were equally committed to getting in shape as we are to making fun of weirdos and women jogging without sports bras. Unfortunately, we are not. Hills (and stairs!) really cramp your ability to use your best mockery voice because you're too busy trying to get your breath back so your friend doesn't have to perform CPR on the bat bridge. In other news, we did actually pass a fellow runner for the first time today. So she was in her 60s....

Number of hours it took all my sweat to dry: 2 hours.

We may not have been blogging, but we have been running: 2.5 miles both Monday and today and it's actually starting to feel kind of good during the run, and not just immediately after it's over. However, to quote Sarah, "humidity sucks butt."

Only on Town Lake: A group of people running with poles across their shoulders who may or may not have been connected to the guy repeatedly blowing a whistle. Also, construction of the Red Bull Flutag ramp.

Times at which Sarah's dogs woke her up this morning: 4:00 a.m. 6:00 a.m.

Definitive proof that I am a giant dork: When I heard KUT announce that they were picking up "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" the news quiz, I actually said "yay" out loud.

AWESOME FRIENDS TURNING 30 TODAY: Leah! Happy Birthday!

Miles on Tuesday: 2.5 I think we have officially passed our previous record for number of consecutive weeks we actually managed to run.

Weird Stuff on the Lamar Bridge: Dude running towards a ground level camera (and cameraman.) Probably for some kind of proper gait demonstration, but I'm sure there's also a community of ankle fetishists out there.

This Is Why My Sister Should Have a Blog

She's getting married tomorrow, and the block with the salon where she's getting her hair done was struck by lightning last night and has no power. Lightning. Seriously.

Miles: As many as the world's slowest runner can cover in ten songs on an ipod.

Miles: a slow and crappy 2.5, Sarah is definitely the pacesetter.

A note to my shins: Listen you ungrateful little bastards, I felt that tight twingey feeling that's your little threat to start the pain; don't even think about it! I'm being nice to you - slow buildup, running on dirt not concrete - do you remember what happened the last time you made me stop running? Do you? I got stressed out and depressed and moved somewhere that's 110 in the shade all summer and you've been carting around like 20 extra pounds for four years. I swear to god if you start ripping away from my shinbones and burning like fire I will take a sledgehammer to you Kathy Bates in "Misery" style.

P.S. If you have not bought The National's new album, do it now.

Top 5 detractors from my plan to run this morning:
1) dogs who wake up at 4 AM
2) dogs who wake up again at 5 AM
3) dogs who wake up again at 6 AM and this time one of them has chewed up one of my favorite pairs of shoes (those cute j.crew espadrilles with the hot pink and white straps :( )
4) waking up with "lone star beer belly" and worrying about getting too far from home - I think we all know what I mean here...
5) not having made a plan to meet maddie and therefore letting these other reasons bring me down

You know those articles that are always on the cover of Runner's World, "Motivation: 101 Reasons to Run!"? They're crap. Here's how you get motivated to run:

1. Go to Broken Spoke. Drink plastic cups of Lonestar.
2. Announce that you're going to drink more Lonestar, Sarah and Steven are giving you a ride home, and that you'll run back in the morning to get your car.
3. Drink more beer and get ride home from Sarah and Steven.
4. Wake up. Think longingly about breakfast tacos and asprin.
5. Remember your car is at the Spoke.
6. Invent three new obscenities. Kick things.
7. Put on your shoes and run.

Actual miles: 2 Felt like: 1000

After whole minutes of thought, I have to concur with Sarah; it's tough to be interesting and funny about a 2.5 mile run. While the Lamar bridge is usually a source of excellent Austin freakiness, even flute playing dude was not quite as interesting as woman walking her monkey (in a cage on a wagon), or our personal favorite, guy who drops and does pushups mid-bridge while his girlfriend pretends not to know him.

Both funny and interesting? The epidemic of dirty dancing at James McMurtry last night. Seriously. Because nothing says "freak me baby" like songs about meth production and rural poverty.

Our first post. Wow...this is going to be a lot of pressure. Talking about running isn't all that interesting or funny. We'll have to enlist Leah as a ghostwriter cause she is funnier than us.

Today we ran 2.5 miles. It's really humid. (see - nothing funny about this)